I could not put into words this feeling, this feeling to be called to something. I used to searching for it with all my heart, but then I realized I was just distracting myself. I allowed my searching to distract me from living.
Distraction from living? What does that look like? It looks like filling your life with the next best thing, a new job, another craft, a new rug, or a new adventure. It is filling the hole in your chest and chasing anything that seems to be a reason to live better, freer, and happier. The sad thing is that it took me several wasted years to see that to find my calling I just had to live on purpose.
It was living on purpose that led me to my calling. Living on purpose paved the way to peace, which I believe allows the mind to settle on what is important. And as we settle into the life we were meant to live, we begin to trust ourselves to be who we really are. The process unravels our fears and doubts exposing our true self.
What does it look like, this process? Well, I imagine it is different for everyone. For me it had its ups and downs. The happy days I enjoyed things I had long forgotten to appreciate. The sad days, the snotty, dying to self days, I learned how to let go of the urge to reach for something else or someone else to fill the hole I desperately wanted to fill. Learning that there was no hole if I just lived.
I follow Christ and He is suppose to be my all in all, but during this process I realized that the calling I so eagerly sought was waiting for me to walk into, but not in my prideful state. My seeking and searching was leading to my own demise. My, I can do it on my own attitude, was not going to lead me to what I was searching for. Humility was needed to move forward.
Living on purpose was very humbling to me. As I began to see all that I was missing in my life my heart began to see where my eyes had been. And they were not on Christ and His promises, but on all the things I thought I could control. I can’t control anything. Bad things happen to all people. More is not better, bigger is not better, enough is best.
I can say that I have found the calling I so desperately had been searching for and it has filled my cup to overflowing. If you find yourself searching I challenge you to live each moment on purpose, so you too can find the calling.