I Am A Storm

I learned yesterday that the northeastern storm sweeping this side of the nation is called, Tabitha. Why, that’s my name! I thought. Although I spell my name, Tabetha. Amused I text a few friends warning them of my icy fury.

Early this morning around 2:45 a.m. my eyes popped open. I couldn’t sleep. I went down stairs to get a glass of water. The backlight created by the snow covered fields reflecting the moonlight caught my eye. I sat with my water glass in the sitting room admiring the stillness and view.

Only I wasn’t still. I was tense. Everything was serene except me. This self awareness led me to confession.

I wasn’t being honest with myself. I have been surviving. I have been going through the motions. I have been trying to keep my head, my children heads, our dogs head, and my husbands head above water. There has been challenges with staying home and making choices for our family, challenges with friends and family with differences over politics, challenges with home virtual schooling our children, my husband putting in long hours, the dog having surgery…

We all have a list of challenges we are and have been facing. We are all trying to keep our heads above water.

This morning I realized I was angry, bitter even, frustrated, scared, and sad…I have been so busy trying to hold it together for everyone I had forgotten to let myself feel. Don’t get me wrong I had moments of processing along the way, but there are a few things that had taken the back burner because I either didn’t have time to process it or I didn’t want to. If we don’t address our inner struggles we can go from an over cast day to a full blown….

I am a storm.

As I confessed my heart to the Lord I was reminded of Matthew 11:28-30

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

You may not have a storm named after you yet, but there could be a storm inside you. I encourage you dear reader to find a moment to sit still and take an honest look at your heart and if you find you too are a storm I hope you will be encouraged and run to Jesus with me.